“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved / in secret, between the shadow and the soul.”

“She had blue skin,/ and so did he./ He kept it hid/ and so did she./ They looked for blue/ their whole life through./ Then passed right by–/ and never knew.”

Maybe if I woke up and I had a different face

Bought some different clothes

Talked a different way

I could meet you as a stranger

Introduce myself again

Maybe you would love me

Like you did those days back then

Maybe you would love me

Love me like a friend

Love me like I’m anyone -

But who I really am

Staring at the ceiling

Heart’s a record spinning

In my heart, despite every effort I’ve made to find closure- resentment has grown

I’m sorry

You’re dead to me

I regret you

Your selfishness is insurmountable

You’ve made every excuse

Every rationale

With a smile on your face

Comparison is a thief of joy

And your comparison of what had been,

Destroyed what could be, old friend

I know I sound harsh, but at this point you don’t deserve any sweetness from me

I’ve poured my heart out again and again

Every ounce of it

Slipping down a drain at your feet

You never gave a shit enough to try and understand me

You just wax poetic

You are a sickness in my life

You spread out into so many parts of me

And destroyed

If someone asked you

“If you could bring peace to someone’s heart, who had been in pain for so long, would you?”

I’m sure you’d say “Yes.”

But you couldnt do it for someone you once cared about so much

Feeling like it’d sacrifice something in you

Like you’d lose the high ground

Always in control

You made me feel like a drug

That you sobered up from

Every day further away from me-

Bringing you closer to some bullshit end goal

My erasure

Ignorance is bliss

And oh, you are blissful

“You grow up when you decide to do what’s right, not what’s right for you- what’s right for everyone, even when it hurts.”

When someone can provide peace,

And wilfully does not, whatever the reason -

They become a monster

You just don’t know what it’s like to be on the shitty end of this

I hope you never do

I asked for the bare minimum

And you act like I need everything

I loved you dearly

I still do

But your greed is one you cannot see

One I cannot un-see

You always say to put it down,

I’ve tried

You never thought to try something for me

I love you more than you can know

I love you more than I can show

There have been days where I haven’t loved you as hard as I should have though

When I close my eyes

I think of the morning after we first met

Standing in the shower

Water running off of your chin

My hands on your cheeks

Staring into your eyes

I remember saying to you in that moment

“Whenever things get hard, let us remember exactly how this feels. I don’t want us to forget this.”

I know we are so far away

Lately, a bad day has been every day

We work too much

Sleep too little

But even now

Through the distance and the pain

I haven’t forgotten the way that moment felt

I still feel it

Deep in my bones

Deep in my heart

I couldn’t ask for a better fianceé

And I wouldn’t ask for one

We will hold our children in our arms

Knowing that inside of them

They hold the very best of both of us

They will know that we chose eachother

Through and through

They will know that when life seems so impossible

Love transcends

I am a not perfect man but I try the best I can

I’m crying out to you

Not for help

For patience

“You loved me with a knife behind your back.”

I only ever see your smile

When I’m fast asleep

Wishing things could go so slowly

Missing things you did that used to get on my nerves

I should’ve taken better care of my time with you

I need you to feel this

Mercy and forgiveness

Please don’t mind your business so damn much

They said it would be impossible

But here you are

No matter what is keeping you down

It might be fountains and fountains of doubt

It might be something that numbers can’t count

It might be rain storms, it might be drought

No matter what it is I know I’m not in control

I am but a vessel, I am but afloat

I am never lonely when I am alone

I know that your love is unconditional

I can’t believe you love me

I dont know

But I think its probable that you escaped

Whatever had been making you save me a space

It was just our gravity causing the weight

I’ve become a moon in your life

Kept away

When it suits you

I lose you

I move to-

Remove you

My hope-

It exhumes you

I’d never refuse you

But all of my friends

They beg me to call you

I cover my ears

I cover my tears

I’ve never missed anything so bad

Missing moments I might never have

But tonight I talked to Lido again

Heard songs the world hasn’t yet

Every note tugged at my heart

Before I left we hugged like brothers

It made me miss you even more

Why can’t I listen to my favorite songs without listening to you?

When did I lose my chance to listen with you?